Funny Feline Wisdom from all over the globe and from ages past. Funny part is it's still true!




  • If stretching were wealth, the cat would be rich. - African

  • A cat is a lion to a mouse. - Albanian

  • A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arabian

  • The cat was created when the lion sneezed. - Arabian

  • If you stared deep into a cat's eyes, you would be able to see into the world of spirits. - British

  • All cats love fish but fear to wet their paws. - Chinese

  • A cat assures its owner of good luck. - Chinese

  • Happy owner, happy cat. Indifferent owner, reclusive cat. - Chinese

  • He who rides the tiger finds it difficult to dismount. - Chinese

  • You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats. - Colonial American

  • Those who dislike cats will be carried to the cemetery in the rain. - Dutch

  • An overdressed woman is like a cat dressed in saffron. - Egyptian

  • In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. - English

  • A cat in grass is a tiger in the jungle. - English

  • Dogs remember faces, cats places. - English

  • The cat has nine lives - three for playing, three for straying, and three for staying. - English

  • For he has the subtlety and hissing of a serpent, which in goodness he suppresses. - English

  • Handsome cats and fat dungheaps are the sign of a good farmer - French

  • The dog may be wonderful prose, but only the cat is poetry. - French

  • If cats had wings there would be no ducks in the lake. - Indian

  • That cat that has its mouth burned by drinking hot milk will not drink even buttermilk without first blowing upon it. - Indian

  • A cat is a lion in a jungle of small bushes. - Indian

  • The cat is magical and the bringer of good luck. - Indian

  • Beware of people who dislike cats. - Irish

  • Nature breaks through the eyes of the cat. - Irish

  • To kill a cat brings seventeen years of bad luck. - Irish superstition

  • To please himself only the cat purrs. - Irish

  • Who would believe such pleasure from a wee ball o' fur? - Irish

  • It is better to feed one cat than many mice. - Norwegian proverb

  • When the cat and mouse agree, the grocer is ruined. - Persian

  • A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel. - Portugese

  • It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish

  • The cat always leaves a mark on his friend. - Spanish

  • When moving to a new home, always put the cat through the window instead of the door, so that it will not leave. - U.S. Superstition

  • A cat's a cat and that's that. - U.S. folk saying

  • A cat is a tiger that is fed by hand. - Proverb

  • There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

  • There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

  • Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

  • We humans are indeed fortunate if we happen to be chosen to be owned by a cat.

  • No Heaven will ever Heaven be
    Unless my cats are there to welcome me.

  • If you take even one of a cat's nine lives, it will haunt you forever.

  • I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

  • My husband said it was him or the cat. I miss him sometimes.

  • Curiosity was framed. Ignorance killed the cat.

  • Never feed your cat anything that doesn't match the carpet.

  • Or as Schrodinger's wife once said, "What did you do to the cat? It looks half dead."

  • Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it.

  • To respect a cat is the beginning of the aesthetic sense.

  • The visionary chooses a cat; the man of concrete a dog. Hamlet must have kept a cat. Platonists, or cat lovers, include sailors, painters, poets, and pickpockets. Aristotelians, or dog lovers, include soldiers, football players, and burglars.

  • Free to a good home - female cat or husband.
    Husband says either he goes or cat goes.
    Cat fixed, husband isn't.
    - Ad in the Flint, Michigan Weekly World News

  • Don't use cats - they'll screw up your data.
    - Anonymous science professor to student

  • Forward women were made from cats, just as most virtuous, industrious matrons were developed from beer.

  • I would have in my house - a reasonable woman - a cat moving among the books.

  • Of all the creatures in the world, cats an' women has the hardest time.

  • A cat knows you are the key to his happiness...a man thinks he is.

  • If to her share some feline errors fall,
    Look in her face, and you'll forgive them all.

  • Here lies a pretty cat:
    Its mistress, who never loved anyone,
    Loved it madly;
    Why bother to say so? Everyone can see it.
    - Epitaph on tombstone of cat, with full-relief detail of the deceased

  • Outside of a cat, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a cat, it's too dark to read.
    - Sign at Lilac Hedge Bookshop, Norwich, VT

  • Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

  • Avoid dogs whenever you can. Remember - Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral.

  • Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

  • All children left unattended will be given a free kitten.
    - Sign in a veterinarian's office

  • Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
    - from Advice from Kids

  • There was an old bulldog named Caesar,
    Who went for a cat just to tease her;
    But she spat and she spit,
    Till the old bulldog quit.
    Now when poor Caesar sees her, he flees her.

  • You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

  • Humans: No fur, no paws, no tail. They run away from mice. They never get enough sleep. How can you help but love such an absurd animal?
    - An anonymous cat on Homo sapiens

  • The purity of a person's heart can be quickly measured by how he or she regards cats.

  • Blessed are those who love cats, for they shall never be lonely.

  • When I'm in the doghouse, my cats still come to visit.

  • A rose has thorns, a cat has claws; certainly both are worth the risk.

  • There are hundreds of good reasons for having a cat, but all you need is one.

  • A cat is always at the wrong side of the door.

  • A person who manages to understand a cat is qualified to understand most anything else.

  • Buy a dog a toy, and he'll play with it forever. Buy a cat a present, and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

  • Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

  • Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

  • Cats have amazingly keen hearing but go conveniently deaf when you call.

  • If human, cats might play solitare, but they would never sit around with the gang and a few six-packs watching Monday Night Football.
    - Time Magazine, Dec.7, 1981

  • Cats have incredible vision - but they never see your flaws.

  • Cats are better than any vice. They're not fattening, dangerous, or expensive. However, they can be addictive.

  • A cat makes all the difference between coming home to an empty house and coming home.

  • Owning a cat is a good forerunner of marriage. You learn that you cannot control another living being, or expect him/her to do everything you want.

  • I'm not much of a cook. My favorite thing to make from scratch is a purr.

  • Nine lives added to my one life makes a perfect 10.

  • If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
    - from Advice from Kids

  • Cats always land on their feet. Dogs won't even let you throw them.

  • A cat will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds.

  • Some people see the glass as half empty, some as half full. I look for the cat who drank the water.

  • Life is hard. Soften yours with a cat.

  • Said a miserly peer at the Abbey,
    "I fear I shall look rather shabby,
    For I've replaced my ermine,
    Infested with vermin,
    With the fur of my dear defunct tabby."

  • Happiness does not light gently on my shoulder like a butterfly. She pounces on my lap, demanding that I scratch behind her ears.

  • The cat stands alone, distinct - outindividualizing every individual.
    - from A Ship of Solace

  • Owning a cat is like reading a good novel - just when you think you know the main character, she'll surprise you on the very next page.

  • A thing of beauty, strength, and grace lies behind that whiskered face.

  • My dog and cat have both run into the closed back door at full speed. Neither qualifies for Animal Mensa.
    - from "The Vent" in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

  • Cats are like music. It's foolish to try to explain their worth to those who don't appreciate them.

  • Cats whiskers are so sensitive, they can find their way through the narrowest crack in a broken heart.

  • If you want to know the character of a man, find out what his cat thinks of him.

  • Every life should have nine cats.

  • It's really the cat's house. I just pay the mortgage.

  • A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization.

  • A cat which is kept as a household pet may properly be considered a thing of value. It ministers to the pleasures of its owner and serves with honor.

  • We have a friend who hates cats. Every time he comes to the house the cat sits on his knee.

  • The beautiful cat endures and endures.
    -Grave inscription from Thebes

  • Cats know how we feel; they just don't give a damn.

  • For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

  • It's always blackest just before you step on the cat.

  • Cats are like potato chips. You can never have just one.

  • If you can remember how many cats you have, you don't have enough.

  • Cats are so unpredictable. You just never know how they'll ignore you next.

  • If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

  • Never underestimate the power of a purr.

  • Long ago, there lived a creature with a voice like a vacuum cleaner. We know little about it, but we do know that it ate cats.

  • There may be more than one way to skin a cat, but you get only one try per cat.

  • Cat, I'm a kitty-cat, and I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance.

  • There was an old spinster from Fife,
    Who had never been kissed in her life:
    Along came a cat,
    And she said, "I'll kiss that!"
    But the cat meowed: "Not on your life!

  • Cats understand our feelings. They don't care, but they understand.

  • A cat knows exactly what you are, and treats you accordingly.

  • Children are like cats, they can tell when you don't like them. That's when they come over and violate your body space.

  • Everyone *knows* cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans are just too big-headed to admit their inferiority.

  • Just think what a nicer world this would be if it were controlled by cats.
    You wouldn't see cats having waste disposal problems.
    They're neat.
    They don't have sexual hangups. A cat gets horny, it does something about it.
    They keep reasonable hours. You *never* see a cat up before noon.
    They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?
    What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war? Pretty neglible. It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to do with one's time. Like lie in the sun and sleep. Or go exploring the world.

  • When the rat laughs at the cat, there is a hole. The rat has not power to call the cat to account. The rat does not go to sleep in the cat's bed.

  • There is a proof for God's existance: (S)he made cats.

  • I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted, but his or her entertainment value.

  • Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.

  • Cats leave pawprints on our hearts.

  • Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats.