How to Understand your Cat in 6 Easy Lessons
Lesson One: Reasons why your cat is ignoring you
– He’s out of catnip
– You didn’t buy any kitty treats on grocery day
– His milk bowl is empty
– You’re trying to get his attention
– You just let the dog in
– “If that’s the can opener I’ll play indifferent just to let
you know I’m in charge!”
– You’re being obnoxious
Lesson Two: Reasons why your cat is staring at you
– You’ve just sat down in his favorite chair
– He wants a taste of whatever your chewing
– Vulcat mind-meld!
– He’s trying to figure YOU out!
– His litter box is staring to smell like the floor of the local
barn
– This looks like a great nap-spot – I double dog dare you to
sit here first!
– You’re being VERY obnoxious
Lesson Three: Reasons why your cat is staring at you AND meowing
-Things are getting more serious – he really wants that:
- catnip
- treat
- milk
- change of litterbox
- whatever your chewing
– That WAS the can opener and you had the NERVE not to even TRY
to offer him anything!
– “Feed me NOW!”
– “Let me out NOW!”
– “Pay attention to me NOW!”
– “The dog is laying in my favorite nap-spot and he’s not
responding to claw-swipes!”
Lesson Four: Reasons why your cat jumps up on your lap
– “I’d love to share my fleas with you”
– “I don’t think I’ll let you read the newspaper today”
– “If I’m nice to you will you feed me some of your dessert?”
– “Hey, how ’bout a scratch around my ears?”
– “I need a warm spot so I can cough-up my fur-ball”
Lesson Five: Reasons why your cat flinches in his sleep
– Bad kitty dreams about his last vet experience
– Happy kitty dreams about chasing the neighbor’s obnoxious dog
into the garbage truck
– Bad kitty dreams about being sucked into the garbage truck
along with the dog
– Happy kitty dreams about escaping from the garbage truck with
a mouthful of mouse
– Bad kitty dreams about the mouse actually being a vampire bat!
Lesson Six: Reasons why your cat claims that grocery bag
– “I’m sure I saw something interesting crawl inside”
– “Must hide from that obnoxious puppy they just brought home!”
– “Time to play my “jack-in-a-box” routine on the next human
that passes by – see how high I can make them jump!”
– “OK – where’s that catnip…kitty treat…new toy…roach…”
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